Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
