the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
