I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
