I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
