Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
