remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
