how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
