Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
