We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
