remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
