He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize