he wants to bone in the snuggie
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
