I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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