Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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