forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How naked do you want me to be?
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