i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
