Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night