I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house