if i can run in heels then i can drive
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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