i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
