never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
