I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We need to get me chipped asap
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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