so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
