He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
