Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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