Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
