I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
