Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
