Swine flu. Run for my life!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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