Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
