He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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