Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Randomize
