This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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