I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
