you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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