Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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