and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
