dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
