You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
