I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
