the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
