Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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