So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
