maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
