I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
