You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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