at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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