My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
