if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
