If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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