Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
