i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
