i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
