so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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