Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
