I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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