It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
