so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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