So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
