I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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