how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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