Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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