I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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