mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
