Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
