WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
