I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
