fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
