Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's the barista slut.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
