I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
