I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
