He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
