I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's shark week go big or go home
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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